Merril Hoge "Find a Way"

Merril Hoge has been Chairman of the Board of the Highmark Caring Foundation since 1999 and a part of the Caring Foundation since his rookie year with the Pittsburgh Steelers in 1987. The Caring Foundation and the Caring Place have benefited enormously from Merril's leadership over the years. His story is an inspiration to all of us.

National Football League

Ever since Merril was twelve years old, he dreamed of being a professional football player. Growing up in a small town in Idaho, the goal seemed unrealistic.From that young age, he used the words "find a way" to focus his mind and body and spirit to overcome any obstacle and to attain any goal.

As he thought about his own goals and talked to his children about their goals and challenges, he said that if anyone tried hard enough, they could "find a way" to accomplish what they wanted. Little did he know that the habits and the frame of mind that he formulated through his childhood and early adulthood would be needed to help him find a way to overcome the ultimate challenge.

Diagnosis

On February 14, 2003, Merril was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma — cancer. To Merril, the words felt like a death sentence. When he first heard them, he was afraid, uncertain, apprehensive about the future. Hanging up the phone, he repeated the words to his family — his wife Toni, his daughter Kori, who was nine, and his son Beau, who was six.

In the silence, Kori ran across the room and threw her arms around his neck. Speaking in her father's ear, she told him, "Dad, you have to find a way."

When you're empty and cold and lost and scared, you need some kind of hope. Those words turned Merril's fear to hope, his uncertainty to determination.

A few days later, jumping on the trampoline with his kids, a thought struck Merril to the core: "If I don't destroy this cancer, then who is going to be here jumping with these kids? Who will be on this trampoline with Kori and with Beau?"

Even more, Merril was determined to find a way to destroy the cancer within him.

Treatment

The chemotherapy treatments began soon after and went on for five months. Chemotherapy is a battle. Toxic medicines are introduced into a patient's body in order to destroy out-of-control cancer cells. There are no days off in this battle. Speaking with someone who had gone through this same chemotherapy regimen two years earlier, Merril heard about what he could expect. As Merril was told, this was the most physically abusive thing that had ever happened in this man's life.

After the second treatment, the man could not even take his garbage out. Merril determined to find a way to not only beat the cancer but to prevent the chemotherapy from stopping his routine with his children. He knew that he would lose his hair, but beyond that he wanted to be as close to normal with his family as he could be.

While administering the chemotherapy, his nurse told him that eighty percent of the outcome was up to him while only twenty percent was what she was doing, which was what Merril himself felt as well. He asked his doctor if there were any limitations he needed to put on his physical activity. The doctor told him that there were none that had to be imposed but that Merril would find that he would not feel up to doing much.

Merril continued the same daily workout routine through the months of his chemotherapy that he had had since his playing days. He found that this routine actually gave him strength rather than sapping it.

That spring in the midst of chemotherapy, Merril broadcast the NFL Draft, bald — a clear physical reminder of his battle with cancer and of his finding a way to continue with life in the midst of this battle.

Finally on July 2, 2003, after completing the chemotherapy, Merril was cancer-free.

Continued Commitment

Through this period, Merril did not take time off from his work for the Caring Place. In fact, he worked at a higher level than before. Merril's own mother died when he was 19. Merril saw the profound impact that death had on his younger brothers and on himself. Death of a parent changes everything in the world for a child.

Grateful for his life with his own children, Merril was recommitted to serving children grieving the death of a loved one.

The Caring Place

As Merril said, "I have been blessed. But for many kids who have lost someone they love, every day is a reminder that they live without that person. We can't let these kids be forgotten in their grief. We have to work together in reaching out to care for our kids."

"That's why the Caring Place exists. To reach out and care for our kids who are grieving the biggest loss they can imagine. I've seen the healing that occurs at the Caring Place, and I know it makes a great difference. Let's work together to help these kids know they don't have to walk this painful road alone."

How You Can Help Grieving Children

• Raise awareness of the needs of grieving children.
• Volunteer your time at the Caring Place, serving the families or on the administrative team.
• Raise funds from the community so that families can continue to receive grief services at no cost. Every dollar helps, and every dollar is matched by Highmark Blue Shield.