Family Activities Room

In the Family Activities Room, children and adults are invited to play air hockey or dome hockey, or to just look at the quilts lining the walls. In this room, we're reminded that grief and enjoyment can coexist. It is a place for expressing a whole range of feelings, from laughter to anger. But the essence of the room is having fun.

At the Caring Place, children and adults in grief are brought together with other children and adults in grief. Finding others like ourselves, realizing that we're not alone, hearing our stories reflected through the group — these are all important parts of bringing people together. And so is having fun, or just realizing that it’s possible to have fun.

In the Family Activities Room, where children and adults play air hockey and dome hockey, and can look at quilt after quilt hanging from the walls, all are invited to come in and have fun, even in the midst of the hard work of dealing with our grief.

"I like air hockey because you can play it with your friends, and you can also talk while you’re playing and having fun. You can talk about whatever you want to." — Carrie, 10

Sometimes we feel more able to open up and talk about hard things while we focus on play rather than on ourselves. But the play, the fun, the laughter, are important in themselves.

We grieve. But life hasn't stopped. We grieve in the midst of life, which means, at times, having fun. Or at least, as we watch others in the room, we're able to see that it's possible for grief to coexist with play. We can see that fun and enjoyment can become part of our lives again, even in grief.

It may not seem so at the beginning. Certainly, families enter the Caring Place unsure they can ever enjoy anything again, their grief is so painful. And grieving people are not usually told that they should have fun, that they should play, that they're expected to enjoy themselves.

But the Family Activities Room is available, and for those who want to use it, it can be a healing place. It's a place where some families begin the process of learning to enjoy each other again. Just seeing children and adults smiling and laughing can give permission to others to join in.

As 12-year-old Daniel said, "It's fun playing air hockey and just playing with other kids. It's fun to be with other kids and have a time to laugh, and then also to cry and be angry."

At the Caring Place, there's room for all these emotions. Children and adults can talk about whatever they need to, and express whatever emotion they need to.

Anger is one of the emotions that needs to be expressed.

"The air hockey allowed different families to get to know each other a lot quicker because people would ask you to come on over and play and then we'd invite someone else over, or they'd invite us over. It broke the ice for us and we were able to get to know the families. It was a great icebreaker to get the families mingling together." — Dan, Caring Place Parent

Although we're sometimes afraid of it — our own or someone else's — anger is a very common and important part of grief. But it's just as important to allow anger to be expressed as any of the other feelings of grief. The games in the Family Activities Room help in this process, too.

Hitting an air hockey puck around can help release a lot of pent-up anger. Some of the kids get very intense when they play, working out those intense feelings in a game, taking them out on a puck.

At its core, the Family Activities Room is one way in which kids, and adults, can begin to feel safe and "normal" in their grief. After suffering a loss, we know there are painful feelings deep inside us and often we just don't want to let them surface. They seem too difficult to face. A place like the Activities Room, with the games and the fun and the laughter, can help to break down the wall inside us.

The healing that occurs when anger and other powerful feelings are allowed a way out — a non-destructive way out — is what the Caring Place is based on. Feelings are shared together in order to help healing.

"One of my favorite things is the air hockey. I really felt open and I could express my feelings in any way I wanted. I sort of thought the puck was the anger and I just kept hitting it away." — Michael, 9

Having fun together can also help in the healing. But having fun can be its own excuse, and sometimes that's enough, especially to those of us who thought we might never have fun or feel enjoyment in life again.