The Hare-shaped Hole
Suggested Group(s): Preschool/Young/Middle/Teen/Adult
Purpose: To help the group members engage and utilize all five senses when describing, remembering and mourning their person who died.
Task/need: Converting the relationship from presence to memory
The Hare-Shaped Hole by John Dougherty and Thomas Docherty
When Hertle the Hare vanishes, leaving nothing but a dark, empty hole in the air, Bertle the turtle is distraught. How can he send the emptiness away and bring his friend back? And what if he can’t? The Hare-Shaped Hoe is a soothing picture book that gently explores themes of love, loss and remembering those we love.
Materials:
- The Hare Shaped Hole by John Dougherty and Thomas Docherty
- Five Senses Worksheet
Activity Description:
The purpose of this activity is to help the group members engage and utilize all five senses when de- scribing, remembering and mourning their person who died. For younger children, it may be helpful to have a short discussion about the five senses. Invite them to share an example of something they can see, hear, smell, touch and taste.
Begin by reading the Hare-Shaped Hole. Engage the group with some of the following questions, either during the story or at it’s conclusion.
- How did Bertle and Hertle spend their time together at the beginning of the story?
- What did Bertle notice after Hertle disappeared? How did this make him feel?
- What did Gerda the bear suggest to Bertle to help him with his feelings about losing?
- How did Bertle use his senses to remember things about the times he shared with Hertle?
- What happened when Bertle found ways to fill the empty hole left behind by Hertle?
Explain that there are many ways to describe and remember our person who died. We can think about and help others learn more about our person using our five senses. As a group, review the five senses and how each of our senses helps us experience the world in a unique way. Ask group members for examples of ways that we can describe and remember our loved ones who have died through each of our five senses. (If they need help, examples include the smell of their clothing or a scent they wore; the taste of their favorite food; the feel of a sweater or blanket they used; the sight of photos or items that remind us of them; the sound of their favorite song).
Explain that they will have a chance to write or draw some ways they can use each of their senses to experience memories of their loved ones. Pass out the worksheet and provide time for the group to work with it before processing using the following prompts and questions.
When the group members have finished writing or drawing, ask if anyone would like to share anything that they wrote or drew. Consider using some of the following questions to deepen the conversation:
- What did you notice when you thought about your loved one using each of your five senses?
- Did this make you think of a new or different aspect of your person than you’ve thought about before? If so, were you surprised by this?
- Can you imagine how you might talk with others who also remember your loved one to ask questions or hear more stories than the ones that came to mind for
This activity and book pairing can be adapted for different age and interests. Consider using a journal to write or draw about sensory memories, or make a 'zine (booklet made from a single sheet of paper) that group members can use for this purpose. Another option is to decorate a box or jar and invite group members to write their responses to sensory prompts on small pieces of paper to place in the jar or box.
This activity can be a nice lead-in to asking group members to bring memorabilia to a subsequent group night.
The five senses can also be used to teach grounding skills.
Special Circumstances:
Some children may not have any or many memories of their person. Some prompts for children who do not have memories could include:
- What are some things you wish you knew?
- Who can you ask to learn more about your person?
- What were you hoping to do with your person that you may not have had a chance to do?
- What have they missed that you wish they were here for?
- Is there anything you wish you could tell them?
Remember that not all memories are pleasant or easy to talk about. It is important to be sensitive by not only asking for “happy” or “favorite” memories. Some other prompts include:
- Does anyone have a memory they want to share?
- What is a memory you often think about?
- Are there any memories that are difficult to talk about or that you wish you could forget?
